I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
