I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
