I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
