I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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