Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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