so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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