ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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