Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
