But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
