i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
whose parrot is this?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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