When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize