this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
