Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
