Porn is love you can see.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
