Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
