I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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