dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
