i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
