were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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