It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
