Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Also, beer. Big fan.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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