i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
