Already got asked if we're dating
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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