maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
