I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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