Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
