i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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