His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
