Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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