yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
