What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
