If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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