I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
