I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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