remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Yo dont text me then not text me
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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