Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
