I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
50% drunk capacity currently
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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