question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Randomize
