I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
