He disabled his match.com account in front of me
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
and she was petting her beer can
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
