Do you still have your period?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
