I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
