Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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