You're completely useless in the revolution.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I am one with the molecules
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
