i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
