Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
