Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
