it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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