I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She's the barista slut.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
