I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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